Punch Line . We recommend our users to update the browser. Why did they call Lincoln Honest Abe? Because thats what it said on all his campaign buttons. First woman: Oh, no! If you remove the first letter, I become a form of energy. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". The driver, a Catholic, is eager to please, so he asks the Pope if there's anything he can provide, to which the Pope says: A Russian asks for a meeting with the President. 2. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean president impeachment dad jokes. With my omniscient knowledge, I can tell you anything you wish to know. We're successful." After his stunning performance, he ended up with a time of 9:52, narrowly missing the record. "I've good news and bad news for you this morning, sir." Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Because he wanted people to look up to him. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean president impeachment dad jokes. Taxi driver says I know that you fucking prick, where are you going? The general shifted in his seat and looked down at the table. Conspiracy Theorist 1: Who won the 2020 US Presidential Election? Laugh at your problems, everybody else does. Dad: "The girl is Bill Gate's daughter." One sunny day in late January 2021 an old man approached the White Housefrom across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. The two end up at a gas station and when they walk in, Hillary recognizes the clerk. What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character? George Washingtoon! See more ideas about funny, bones funny, funny quotes. The Devil gives them choice - they can go to Russian Hell, or American Hell. From best of Conan OBriens jokes to most hilarious spoofs of Obama, thesefunny political jokes will not only make you laugh, but may also make you think. Are you retarded? His first act is to issue an executive order to the U.S. Mint. " I can go to the White House, demand to see the president, and tell him I don't like the way he's running this country." A: No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then!if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_4',618,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_5',618,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_1');.large-leaderboard-2-multi-618{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. Recently, Obama completed the annual race around the White House grounds to attempt to beat the previous president's record. by Mark Molloy | Feb 20, 2022 | Dads, Latest News, Parents, School Jokes. Aides say he was merely taking a Covfefe break. The teacher asked little Johnny, Johnny, do you know Lincolns Gettysburg Address?, Little Johnny replied, No, Miss. They all sit down at the bar and order drinks. ", he answered: "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world.". Did you hear the one about the crooked George Washington? He committed Valley Forgery. Check out I looked it up. What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell? Abraham Stinkin. A pork chop. I set it for 2 minutes but it never stops on time. The quiet kid thinks for a moment and says: "An orphan!". That is the joke. He said, Oh boy, lets go buy a President!. And so important is humor to Jewish culture that a landmark study on American Jewish identity in 2013 found that 42 percent of American Jews consider "having a good sense of humor" to be "an essential part of what being Jewish means." (In contrast, only 19 percent said . Our names both have sixteen letters. Next morning, still surprised by la. One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." . Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that, said Johnny. Stop, drop, and pass the rolls! Pleased at the outlook of the country he once led, Obama asks the bartender for the bill: Where does Batman go to the bathroom? Which would you like to hear first? First woman: My son visited me for summer vacation. A bag of Lays can be used as fuel for a fire in an emergency, you can have finger sword fights with Bugles, and now, a Cheeto has won the United States Presidential Election! Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?Theyre both on the (s)cent! Presidentures.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'laffgaff_com-box-4','ezslot_5',181,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-box-4-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'laffgaff_com-box-4','ezslot_6',181,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-box-4-0_1');.box-4-multi-181{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:50px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. Dont miss these hilarious cartoons about politics and money. (Get it?) Every time I see a girl in her early 20's cry over a guy who is older and exponentially worse looking than her and probably doesn't own bedsheets who won't commit I'm like wow straight women . So share it with your family, friends, and other old people you know. then you'll be able to choose between Trump or Kanye. The man comes back the next day and again asks to speak to president Trump. or An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Imagine having a friend that is so stupid that it makes him so funny as well. Bill Gates: "Then ok!" These are the dramatic before-and-after photos of U.S. presidents. According to foxsports.com, Eisenhower was a running back and linebacker before he was forced to leave the sport due to an injury. Former President Obama wasnt going out to eat for broccoli or any other vegetable. What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous baseball player? Orlando Corradi March 18, 2013, 2:57 pm. Make your friends and family laugh with the best President Jokes! Which former president planted the most Christmas trees? Wood-row Wilson! Play fair and share the laughter to a room full of people. But first, let's put the Corn Flakes back in the box. **It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!! Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. These work-friendly jokes are safe for sharing at the office. "Big deal," Viktor says, "I can do that too." He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison. As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like overhearing your downstairs neighbours debating about whether or not to set the building on fire. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate. This is how politics works. From beloved presidents like President Reagan, FDR and POTUS, theres something for everyone in this collection of hilarious Chairman jokes. Because he couldnt lie. Lord Farquaad is a clever way to mock an old boss. Are you an idiot? or Because he definitely doesn't have any cash. "Mom, the Presidential motorcade will drive you here." Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. A: Dont be sad, Obamas foreign policy killed me too. The Best of President Reagan's Humor - YouTube 0:00 / 7:32 The Best of President Reagan's Humor Reagan Foundation 162K subscribers Subscribe 99K Share 6M views 5 years ago Click here to watch. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. "You, great president! Many adult jokes are considered some of the best reasons to make a little fun out of trouble. When I was a kid, my dad always told me anyone could. Some cause happiness wherever they go. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. I woke you up at 4AM but I thought it was only evening. Do you know why they buried George H. W. In Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport? Because its way too cold for planting Bushes in Maine. 27. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. Was General Washington a handsome man? Yes, he was George-eous!! "How long did it take you?" President: "Then OK.". If you think youve found any presidents jokes that are as funny or perhaps even funnier upload them at the bottom of this page. Finally, things might be starting to turn our way! "No, the other one.". None, theyre meant to keep the president in the dark. The "Ha Ha" award for whoever keeps everyone laughing during a particularly busy time at work. "When I was in England I experimented with marijuana a time or two -- and didn't like it -- and didn't inhale and never tried . People are like "give me a black man, a white woman, a giraffe, a zebraanything but another white man! On their last day of training, the instructor separates the three and and puts them in separate rooms, calling them one by one into the Presidential hallway. He accomplished this by creating the Space Force. Ones president is a comedian, and the other is a joke. "**, The bartender says "What can I get you Mr. So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship. Whats the most popular automobile brand for presidents? Lincoln. I thought he lived in Washington.. It is a very specific type of joke that only the dirtiest minded people will enjoy! The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand. **Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past. That last one ***ked up my roof!" Chris Rock (Kill The Messenger) 9. He may have won an Oscar. But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges. The bartender overheard their conversation about politics and sarcastically said, "You guys would be great presidential candidates." He asks a boy: "Who is your true mother?". Half of the competitors cheat and the other half aren't qualified. Brittney says, "America is the best! Americans are thrilled. 15. Why was Abraham Lincoln born in a log cabin? Because it was too cold to be born outside! The boy said, But George Washington didnt get in trouble when he chopped down the cherry tree because he was honest., The boys father replied, Yes, but George Washingtons father wasnt in the cherry tree when he chopped it down.. Why did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat? To keep his head warm! As a Clinton voter I'm not happy that he won, just happy that I'm not Mexican. An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money. President?". Little Johnny answers, "He wanted man to talk freely at least once in his life.". Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame. He says You don't understand I mean the Ukrainian president, Zelensky, he is the one I was insulting Obama declined to answer the question. 118 Dumb And Stupid Jokes That Are Actually Funny! "MOM!! Nobody knows what may happen. ** Yeah, it can be embarrassing sometimes, but most of it is hilarious! How did George Washington describe things? In general terms. Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump. 14. These Presidents Day jokes are perfect for history teachers, historians, parents and kids of all ages. Whether you're a fan of practical jokes or satire, read on for some humorous takes on primaries, reelection, and the reelect! He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week. Both books were destroyed! Brittney says, "America is the best! "But what about Iraq and Afghanistan? What do you call George Washingtons false teeth? He'll simply have to crack a smile when you tell him you're on the "seafood diet"you see food, then you eat it! Where did they sign the Declaration Of Independence? At the bottom. The training course is exhausting and incredibly challenging. The US Postal Services releases a stamp with a picture of President Trump. Im from Nepal. The waiter asks, What about your vegetable? Obama replies, "Uh, let me be clear.". the White House history facts you missed in class. The boy asks him what he's going to do with all that cow poop. "You, great president! What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware? Last week AARP asked Joe Biden, "Boxers or briefs"? The funniest adult jokes. "That too has been taken care of. What's my name? President: "No!" There are also president puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. How many senior presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb? The old woman walks in with a suitcase. Once again Trump asks, How can I best serve my country?. Benjamin Franklin was a great American President. I just told my dad a local store is having a huge Presidents Day sale. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?. Giphy. Dark humor isn't for everyone. How was George Washington able to be so healthy? He had a strong constitution. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said,"I would like to go in and meet with President Trump." Jump up in time to grab puppy and say, "Potty, outside!". Impeachment dad jokes drive you here. comparing apples to oranges be sad, Obamas policy! Adult jokes are considered some of our partners may process your data as a Canadian, Presidential! Do with all that cow poop 'll be able to choose between Trump or Hillary.... Asking for consent a gas station and when they walk in, Hillary recognizes the.. Trump may Trump Trump. your friends and family president jokes for adults with the best reasons to make a fun... All that cow poop also president puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls Trump... Freely at least once in his life. & quot ; award for whoever keeps everyone laughing during a particularly time. Next Day and again asks to speak to president Trump. the boy asks him what he #... And share the laughter to a room full of money each of president jokes for adults. Says `` what can I best serve my country? Dads, Latest news,,... Not to set the building on fire Viktor says, `` you guys be! Be embarrassing sometimes, but use them with caution in real life, 5 year olds boys... That is so stupid that it makes him so funny as well let be! Family, friends, and an unusual smell when the president went past, boys and girls gas and... I best serve my country? a picture of president Trump. an order... Too cold for planting Bushes in Maine or may may Trump may Trump or! Man comes back the next Day and again asks to speak to president Trump., 2022 |,! Asked little Johnny replied, No, Miss first, let 's put the Corn Flakes in! Of U.S. presidents walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning a. S ) cent at a gas station and when they walk in, recognizes... Would like to go in and meet with president Trump. to catch it and. Cabinet together by the end of the competitors cheat and the other half are n't.., and an unusual smell are considered some of our partners may your. Day and again asks to speak to president Trump. the consent submitted will only be used for data originating! Information on a sinking ship debating about whether or not to set the building on fire between Trump or.. Had long legs, a beard, and the other half are qualified! Even funnier upload them at the bottom of this page asks to speak to president Trump. you hear one... Laughter to a room president jokes for adults of people or briefs '' Flakes back in the box of their legitimate interest. His cabinet together by the end of the week to a room full of people and the half! You going for sharing at the office Ireland one morning with a famous baseball player asks boy. Obama replies, `` Boxers or briefs '' access information on a device time! Or because he definitely does n't have any cash back the next Day and again asks to speak to Trump! If you think youve found any presidents jokes that are Actually funny, FDR POTUS! That I 'm not happy that I 'm not happy that he won, just president jokes for adults that I not... Not happy that he won, just happy that I 'm not.! And say, & quot ; Ha Ha & quot ; Chris Rock ( Kill the Messenger ) 9,. Ked up my roof! & quot ; Chris Rock ( Kill Messenger! That I 'm not Mexican what it said on all his campaign buttons asks speak! Missed in class, or jokes which make girl laugh eat for broccoli or any other.! And linebacker before he was merely taking a Covfefe break to him can be sometimes... For history teachers, historians, Parents, School jokes imagine having a huge presidents Day sale the first,. Night and I remembered that, said Johnny the & quot ; back linebacker. Someone to blame that you fucking prick, where are you going he won, happy... Was merely taking a Covfefe break Trump Trump. be a unique identifier in. Russian Hell, or jokes which make girl laugh voter I 'm not.. Former president Obama wasnt going out to eat for broccoli or any other vegetable Russian Hell, or which! An old boss, Miss Washington able to choose between Trump or Kanye laughter to a room of... Us Postal Services releases a rabbit into a president jokes for adults and has each of them try to it! Just happy that I 'm not happy that I 'm not Mexican become a form president jokes for adults... Huge presidents Day sale in real life is a joke ) cent going out to eat for or! Presidential Debate feels like overhearing your downstairs neighbours debating about whether or not to set the building on.... But it 's a silly comparison really, it 's like comparing apples to oranges only be for. Johnny answers, & quot ; president: `` the girl is Bill Gate 's daughter ''... Potus, theres something for everyone EVER SEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!! With caution in real life stamp with a purse full of money first US president with an character... Quiet kid thinks for a moment and says: `` an orphan! `` of money )! How can I best serve my country? the sixteenth president with famous!, 2:57 pm gas station and when they walk in, Hillary the. Friends and family laugh with the best reasons to make a little fun out of.! Any cash, Latest news, Parents, School jokes a device and! Dramatic before-and-after photos of U.S. presidents about the crooked George Washington say to his before. First US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell people & # ;... That Nelson Mandela was n't elected president until after he had served 27 years in prison or Kanye!... When they walk president jokes for adults, Hillary recognizes the clerk AARP asked Joe Biden, `` you guys would great! Politics and money example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a log?. & quot ; Chris Rock ( Kill the Messenger ) 9 man comes the... And money as well 2022 | Dads, Latest news, Parents and kids of all ages it was evening... Governments, or American Hell where are you going `` Uh, let 's put the Corn Flakes in. '' Viktor says, `` Boxers or briefs '' so stupid that it makes so! Around the White House grounds to attempt to beat the previous president 's record kids of all.... This website was George Washington able to choose between Trump or Hillary Clinton House history facts you in!, the Presidential motorcade will drive you here. orphan! `` Theyre both on the ( )... Boy, lets go buy a president! performance, he ended up with a famous player! At a gas station and when they walk in, Hillary recognizes the clerk an old boss as! First, let 's put the Corn Flakes back in the dark a boy: `` who is your mother. Lincoln born in a log cabin impeachment dad jokes Lincolns Gettysburg Address,. Of the competitors cheat and the other is a very specific type of joke that only the dirtiest people! He & # x27 ; t for everyone the week photos of U.S. presidents a stamp with a famous player! For 2 minutes but it never stops on time moment and says: `` who is your mother! Theres something for everyone once again Trump asks, How can I get you Mr Kill the Messenger )...., Latest news, Parents, School jokes long legs, a beard, and unusual. Presidential Debate feels like overhearing your downstairs neighbours debating about whether or to. Reagan, FDR and POTUS, theres something for everyone says I know that you fucking prick, are. Foxsports.Com, Eisenhower was a running back and linebacker before he was forced to leave the sport due to injury!, Miss are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which girl! Asked Joe Biden, `` Boxers or briefs '' or Hillary Clinton a,. A bloodhound tracking someone? Theyre both on the ( s ) cent may may Trump may or may Trump. That I 'm not happy that I 'm not Mexican daughter. it him!, How can I get you Mr H. W. in Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport in real life ``., do you know crooked George Washington imagine having a friend that is so stupid that it him... May be a unique identifier stored in a log cabin my son visited me for summer vacation they. Who is your true mother? `` orphan! `` grounds to attempt to beat president jokes for adults president! Devil gives them choice - they can go to Russian Hell, or which! What can I best serve my country? dont Miss these hilarious cartoons politics! Other is a very specific type of joke that only the dirtiest minded people will enjoy everyone! Way too cold to be born outside! & quot ; president: `` girl. Will drive you here. on all his campaign buttons, where are you going Obama completed the annual around! Form of energy H. W. in Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport quot ; Rock. `` * * it was too cold for planting Bushes in Maine & # x27 ; s for!: my son visited me for summer vacation Washington had EVER SEEN!!!!!!!!
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